Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye
by ekc293
Summary: "She told him to go." Written as a fill over at the kinkofthecastle meme on livejournal so... yeah.


So... yeah. This is the first time I've tackled _real _smut. And I saw the prompt to use this song over at the kinkofthecastle meme and I couldn't help myself.

It's thoroughly convinced me that I shouldn't write smut.

Inspired by the song **Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye, **by Luke Bryan.

So, uh... enjoy?

* * *

_I guess everybody's got their way of moving on..._

* * *

He stood there in their apartment, looking at her from the kitchen as she stood by the door, her arms wrapped around her torso, staring at the ground.

Staring at the suitcase at her feet.

"I don't expect you to leave," he whispered, "this is your home, too."

She looked up at him, and she knew he didn't have to be close to her to see her eyes shining. She could see him flexing his fingers against the counter as he fought the urge to move towards her and take her into his arms and try to kiss it better.

She shrugged her shoulders, trying to act unaffected.

"Your rent really isn't conducive to a cop's salary, Castle," she murmured.

She watched as he bit his lip, undoubtedly biting back the remark on his tongue. He would still pay for it. He asked her to move in with him. He still wanted her here. He wanted her to comfortable and safe and he thought here was the place to do it.

Even if he had to leave.

He knew she wouldn't accept it.

The dissolution of the _Nikki Heat_ series had shook them both to the core. Two months ago he had gone to his meetings in the morning and had come back shell-shocked and heartbroken. _Nikki Heat_ was over – Black Pawn was convinced they had milked her for all she was worth, the story becoming less of a mystery and more of a romance. They refused to take up any more Nikki Heat books, no matter how much Rick argued and pleaded that he had a plan and there was more to the story.

And then a month ago he had gotten the call.

The certain British Secret Agent who shall remain nameless was back again.

Three books, at least, a modern take on the story. Black Pawn already found him a place in London.

It was going to be "a new, fresh start." They called it, "a clean place without any distractions."

She told him to go.

Nikki Heat may be over, and he could have enough money to settle down, but she could never ask him to give up his writing. Not when she knew how much he wanted this before he found out he had to move to London. Not when she knew there were so many people who would be disappointed if he didn't write anymore. Not when there could be someone out there who would get hope from his words the same way that she did after her mother's murder. Not so he could stay with her.

She loved him too much to ask that of him.

Just like he loved her too much to ask her to come with him.

She was meant to be a detective just like he was meant to be a writer. He wouldn't make her choose between him and her job.

She took a deep breath and looked down at the ground.

He'd already said his goodbyes. The boys threw him a going away party at the precinct the day before. Martha and Alexis came to the loft for a going away dinner and then respectfully left the loft for a night out shopping so she and Rick could say goodbye.

He's going to leave in the morning.

She was just trying to beat him out the door.

She twisted her hands together before she began to move towards him slowly, peeling the added weight off of her finger and holding it in her fist till her knuckles turned white. She made her way to him, took a deep breath before she opened her palm and held it out, her breath hitching as she watched the diamond sparkle in the light of the kitchen, just like it had the first time she had put it on her finger nearly six months before.

She heard him gasp, and dropped her gaze from his.

"No," he said forcefully, grabbing the ring in her palm and forcing it back on her finger.

"Castle…" she whispered.

"No," he said again, clenching his hands in hers, "I'm not going to lose you this way. There's not going to be anyone else."

"I don't want you to feel obligated –"

"Obligated?" he asked incredulously, "I asked you to _marry _me, Kate. Whether I'm in your bed or in London for the next two years, I only want you. That's not going to change."

She opened her mouth to retort, but the words died on her lips as he cut her off.

"Unless…" he said, his hand slackening around hers, "that's what _you _want. Do you want to bre-"

"Don't even think about finishing that sentence," she growled, her voice choked with tears, the ones she hadn't let him see since he officially accepted the decision to leave, "you know that this is it for me."

Before she knew what was happening, she was wrapped up in his arms, his lips pressed urgently against hers and she sank into him, her hands moving to fist at his shirt, trying desperately to bring him closer to her.

They'd been weird over the past week. He was clingy, his kisses backed by too much pressure that wasn't love or need, but fear and regret. Her touches were fueled by lust and anger that she tried so desperately to keep hidden from him.

It was like he left before he was even gone.

His hands wound their way through her hair, and she sighed against his lips as she felt his fingertips press against that spot on her neck he had found so early in their relationship. He took advantage of her parted lips, pressed his tongue past the seam of her mouth to taste her and he groaned at the taste of her, the sound and vibrations sending shockwaves straight through her spine and she began to tug on the buttons of his shirt.

His hands left her hair and she moaned at the loss until she felt him push her jacket off of her shoulders and it pooled on the kitchen floor, his hands immediately gripping the edge of her shirt and tossing it over somewhere over her head. He gripped her hips hard in his hands, the slight bow of his back the only warning she had as he hoisted her into the air. Their lips still locked together, she wrapped her legs around his waist, her thighs tightening around him as the tip of his tongue touched the roof of her mouth. He started moving towards their room, and she tore her lips away from his, letting them close around his ear instead as she wrapped her arms tighter around his neck.

"I'm going to miss you," she admitted, her teeth teasing his earlobe, "I'm going to miss you so much."

She wasn't sure when they made it to their bed, but he leaned over and placed her on it, his lips finding hers and he moved his hands around to the button of her jeans, popping it open and pulling away from her just enough so that he could tug them down her long legs, dropping them on the floor and taking her boots and her socks with them.

"I don't have to go," he murmured, his eyes dark and glimmering in the darkness as he looked down at her.

She shook her head, her vision going blurry for a moment as she tried to find her voice.

"Yes you do," she whispered, the words choking her, "and that's okay."

She pushed herself up on her elbows and grabbed at his belt as he shucked off his shirt. She undid the buckle with shaking fingers, her chest heaving as she slid it through his belt loops and let it fall to the floor.

When he was free of his shirt, he settled over her again, his hands sliding behind her back to unclasp her bra before he peeled it away from her, his palms running flat over her torso as his lips latched on to her neck, slowly making their way down as she tugged on his jeans, shifting underneath of him. She felt his teeth scratch against her collarbone when she finally figured out the button and shoved them down his hips.

He took his time shucking them off, taking the liberty of peeling off his boxers with it before he fell back down to her, his eyes dark. He hooked his fingers around the edge of her underwear and slowly peeled them down her legs, his body following his movements until his face was even with her, his pants hot against her and she couldn't suppress the shudder that racked through her. She could feel him smirking against her thigh and once again had to bite her lip to keep herself in check.

This was them.

But then all thought left her as he felt the tip of his tongue brush against her. She felt her body seize, her thighs trembling around him and she wasn't going to last long like this so she wound her fingers through his hair and tugged at him. He looked up at her, his eyes shining like the diamond on her finger and she dug her heels into the mattress, using the leverage to slide down closer to him so his face was nearly even with hers and she kissed him, her legs moving to wrap around his waist to hold him closer. She snaked a hand between them, wrapping her fingers around him as he shifted against her, aligning himself and then he slowly pushed himself inside of her.

Her eyelids fluttered shut, the feeling of being filled by him for potentially the last time in what could be months, potentially even years overwhelming her completely.

"Kate," he murmured, and she forced her eyes open, tilting her head as she looked at him. He was biting his lip and she wanted to instead, so she used her legs and tugged him closer towards her, reaching her head up to tug his lip between her teeth. She relished in the way he grunted as she sucked on his lip, one of his hands sliding around to the small of her back, lifting her hips slightly, the change in angle causing the stars to burst behind her eyes.

"Castle!" she cried, letting go off his lips, her head thrown back against the pillow as she clutched at his shoulders and he leaned back slightly to look at her.

His hand slid up from behind her back and found her left one, peeled it off of his shoulder as he held it in his own, bringing her knuckles up to his lips and he kissed the stone on her ring finger and he continued to slide in and out of her, bringing her closer to the ledge that she was so quickly approaching.

She didn't want it to be over so quickly.

She tried to fight it, tried to close her eyes and think about something other than the way he felt inside of her because once this was over it could be a long time before it ever starts again, and the thought makes her eyes burn because she loves him and she doesn't want him to go but she can't ask him to stay.

But then he twists his hips sharply against hers, hitting _that _spot and she gasps, her eyes struggling to stay open as her back arches, the taught, sticky skin of her stomach pressed deliciously against his as her world shattered around her. He followed her through it, her name leaving his lips on a grunt and she exhaled unsteadily, her emotions threatening to overcome her again because the way his lips wrapped around the word and turned it into something precious was something only he had ever been able to do.

He pulled out of her and she tugged him towards her, kissing him gently as he settled down beside her, his arms coming to rest around her torso. She closed her eyes as he tugged her towards him. Her lungs desperately tried to swallow down the air that smelled like them, to devour this moment that would be over far too soon. She felt him shift on the bed beside her, his lips at her ear as his words wrapped around her.

"I'm going to miss you, too."

* * *

_Love me like you loved me  
when you loved me and you  
didn't have to try._

* * *

... be kind?


End file.
